You know the Fed Ex commercial where the boss steals the employee’s idea? He justifies the theft because he re-states the idea in a slightly different way. Many women feel like this, and there’s a reason: We tend to weaken our communication and get steam-rolled. Here are some solutions to help us stop this negative behavior, be heard, and very possibly make more money and enhance our credibility.
It’s our gift to squander.
Don’t despair, we CAN do this ladies. We come by it naturally. As Louann Brizendine, author of “The Female Brain” says: There is almost nothing more important to the female brain than relationships. This is due to our two “x” chromasomes versus the male x and y. So, we value communication as a vehicle to relationship-building. Now, it’s time to strengthen our communication.
Common communication weakeners
Take this quiz:
1. Do you say “I think” or “I feel” in your sentences?
2. Do you allow others to interrupt you?
3. Do you fail to take credit for your work in a group professional or academic setting?
4. Do you start your thoughts with, “I don’t know if this matters, but….” or something similar?
Being aware is the first step.
If you are guilty of one or more of these communication “weakeners,” keep reading. Don’t worry, however, being aware is the first step. Here is an exercise we do in my Women’s Entrepreneurial Leadership class at the George Washington University School of Business:
An Exercise. Go out about your business and, for one day, make note of how many times you engage in a specific communication weakener: I think, I feel, collusion (collusion = Letting others interrupt, not taking credit, in business/class contexts).
Why is this important? You don’t ask, you don’t get.
Aside from assertive communication, there are numbers: Men ask for what they want and initiate negotiations 2-3X more often than women. Think this doesn’t have an eensy something to do with the wage gap? I do.
Your role.
We teach entrepreneurial skills in my class. So, the first question is: What can YOU do to better your situation, starting with how you communicate?
This is information directly from PowerPoints in the Women’s Entrepreneurial Leadership class developed by the amazing Dr. Susan Duffy (now at Simmons) and altered by moi.
Additional links:
GW Today Facebook page, where this conversation about communication started
Dr. Deborah Tannen, guru of gender communications
What’s most important for young women to learn? Scroll down to see poll results.
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Want more?
- This is part of the “Power Plays for Women” series delivering tested, high-value facts based on research. To learn more, sign up for our monthly newsletter by emailing us here. (Other posts in this series)
- Other ways to get involved: Know a dynamic woman over the age of 18? Nominate her to share her story and lessons, and have a chance to get published in a major Prentice Hall Textbook. Nominate a dynamic woman HERE. Browse winning cases HERE.
ABOUT: The award-winning Hot Mommas Project is housed at the George Washington University School of Business, CFEE. On January 31 of 2010, the project became the world’s largest women’s case study library providing free, online, global access to stories of female role models and mentors. The result? Measurable increases in self-confidence and success among women age 18 and older. Get on our mailing list by emailing us (periodic updates, no digital harassment). We teach women all around the world both in and out of GW.
If this post made you think, or helped you, please do us a favor and leave a quick comment.
hotmommas
December 6, 2010
Thanks for the Twitter shout outs about this post: @GoodOlGals
@GetSmartWomen
@khaledhishma
@NatalieMoyer
hotmommas
December 7, 2010
Thanks for Twitter Shout outs
@DorothyDalton and
@janiemlnazo who says the following:
speak up ladies! RT @ChiefHotMomma U know the FedEx comrcl where the boss steals the empl’s idea? Feel familiar? http://ad.vu/6b6t
hotmommas
December 7, 2010
More Twitter shout outs. Thanks!
From: @OCD_Brink
Sent: Dec 7, 2010 5:06p
The Hotmammas bring it… #gender roles, #communication in the workplace & getting your ideas heard. @ChiefHotMomma http://ht.ly/3lxhT
sent via HootSuite
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/OCD_Brink/status/12266648438317056
hotmommas
December 8, 2010
Shout out to @PaulBarron for mention in his paper.li !
http://paper.li/paulbarron/tribe1000
PetkitsCo
December 8, 2010
I found this article useful and I am admittedly guilty of both saying “I think and I feel” but also of interrupting sometimes myself if I feel overrun or if I am struggling to get a word in edgewise. Is there a tactful way to interrupt without “rudely interrupting”? lol…it really is one of my weaknesses.
hotmommas
December 11, 2010
I do it too, and I teach this stuff. Interrupting is a tough topic. There are some people who think it’s okay, and some who don’t. When someone runs on a bit, sometimes you have to do! One universally good way of tactfully interrupting is to first establish a break, but around their topic, “So, let me make sure I understand…..” or “So what you’re saying is…..” or even asking a question, but about the material THEY have introduced. Then, you can sneak in, “I have a though when you’re ready.” A lot of times, they’ll say, “Oh, yes yes! I’m ready.” This is for the most sensitive of folks. You may already have a rapport with someone where you bob and weave through the conversation. It’s wonderful that you 1. Identify this pattern of yours and 2. Are even considering changes.
Example of someone who DIDN’T: I once knew someone who would literally talk right over people. Someone would be in the middle of a sentence, she would interject, and if the person didn’t pause (was finishing their thought, etc.) she would just talk right over them. It was a fascinating social skills train wreck to watch over and over again in various situations. She was oblivious to people’s reactions. So, again, kudos for your self-awareness.
Kathy
Michelle Howard
December 11, 2010
Thank you so much for your help, I will definitely try your technique!
JTG_Rhetorik
December 9, 2010
These examples are so true and not just in the English speaking world. Here in the German culture you might stumble about weaknesses in languages quite often. Thanks for the reminder!
Judith
hotmommas
December 11, 2010
That is great to know. I run workshops for cultural exchange students all year and now can tell them, especially my German students, “Hey, I know this is true in your culture also!.” Thanks.
Kathy
ASuburbanLife
December 10, 2010
This is something that most women do so subconsciously. I’m constantly editing my email messages at work before sending to remove the “I think” and “I feel” statements and just state the points. It’s hard work!
Try it yourself:
“I think the best way to better understand our customers’ needs would be to conduct a focus group.” – doesn’t this leave room for disagreement, for someone to step in with a better idea?
“The best way to better understand our customers’ needs would be to conduct a focus group.” – doesn’t this sound stronger and more compelling? now we can talk about how we go about doing a focus group!
I really love this blog. I’ve been in the workforce for 25 years and still have so much to improve!
hotmommas
December 11, 2010
Thank you! And, what a brilliant tip. I find myself constantly editing my emails, especially depending on the audience.
Kathy